What's Lost Is Never Gone
by Ruggi
Summary: Life isn't always how we want it to be. One moment we can love someone, and the other hate them. We can laugh and we can cry. We can win, but we can also lose. We never know what's going to happen next, but as for Sakura Mikan's life, fate has decided to prove to her that what is lost is never actually gone.
1. Prologue - Broken Avenue

**WHAT** ' **S LOST IS NEVER GONE  
** By Ruggi

ººº

 _PROLOGUE  
_ Broken Avenues

ººº

 _Another night_  
 _I'm on another broken avenue_  
 _My bag is ripped and worn_  
 _Then again then now so am I...  
_  
ººº

"Mikan, you don't have a choice." the short haired girl said calmly to the girl sitting opposite to her. "You can't stay here."

The brunette shifted in her seat, feeling anxious about this whole situation she was currently in. Her hazel eyes filled with tears and it was visible in her eyes her inner conflicts. She played with ends of her hair as a distraction, while she thought how she could convince her friend otherwise. "But Hotaru, I..." she started, but before she could say anything more, her friend interrupted.

"You're going back to Tokyo and that's final. You can't keep on leaving on this rundown house. You have Kouki and you need to find a job to support you both." She took a sip of tea, before continuing. "I know it's hard for you since your grandpa died. But everything has a limit, even grieving. Especially when you have a kid you need to look after."

The tears she had been holding started to fall before she could even stop herself. She knew that everything her Hotaru was saying was true, she knew it very well, but she just couldn't bring herself to move on. There were to many things to move on to start with! She was still adapting herself to being a single mother and to living on the countryside again. Jii-chan was what was keeping her mind sane and helping her through this chaotic situation. But now, he was dead and she was alone once again, and that was too much for her.

She wiped some of the tears that ran down her cheeks in vain, since they wouldn't stop falling. She looked over at her dark haired friend, who was sipping slowly and constantly at her tea. Hotaru was never one to comfort others and you could be easily fooled by her cold attitude, but deep down she was a really caring person, especially when it came to Mikan. She even came all the way here from Tokyo just to help the lost brunette.

"I know Hotaru, I know..." she said between sobs. "It's just hard to accept everything." She drank some water that was on the coffee table in front of her as to try to calm herself down a bit and speak more clearly. "I don't know how to deal with all of this! _I'm only 19_!" she started crying harder. Hotaru swiftly took out a handkerchief from her purse and handed to the girl in front of her. " I mean, I don't even know if i can raise a child without Jii-chan's help! I'm clumsy, I'm stupid and I don't know, I'm me!"

As Mikan kept on rumbling insults to herself, Hotaru sighed and stood from her sitting place. She graciously walked towards the crying girl, who was so absorbed in self pity that didn't even notice the approaching figure. When she stood close enough, she raised her right hand and slapped the girl right across the face. The talking stopped abruptly and immediately as the hand made contact with the brunette's left cheek. Heck, even the crying stopped! They were engulfed in a uncomfortable silence, while looking at each other, before Hotaru said softly "Baka."

They exchanged looks for a while longer, before Mikan finally broke the eye contact to wipe the last tear traces there were in her face. She sighed and smiled and she know Hotaru was smiling too, even if slightly. "I'm sorry, I freaked out again, didn't I?" She laughed slightly and paused a little before continuing."I'll go to Tokyo with you."

"You will." Hotaru said coldly, but you could tell that she was relieved that her friend had finally come to her senses.

"I can't stay here, right? It's already been 6 months since Jii'chan left us and look around, this place is a mess. Besides, the money he left us is almost all gone." she stood from the couch she was sitting all this time and walked toward the old and broken baby crib that lay in the corner of the room. She look down at the 1 and a half year old boy that slept soundlessly. "I have to do something. For Kouki. I'll do everything for him. His my light, my hope, after all"

(A.N.: Kouki 光希, 幸輝 meaning 光 [kou] (light) or 幸 [kou] (happiness) + 希 [ki] (hope) or 輝 [ki] (radiance, shine). So, yeah, she makes a reference to her child's name here.)

Mikan stared fondly at the small sleeping figure before lowering herself to plant a small peck on the child's forehead. "Everything will be alright, I promise" she whispered, before lifting herself and turning to face her best friend once again. "So, how are we gonna do this?"

"Start packing, we leave tomorrow morning" With that said, the expressionless girl headed to the front door. She placed her hand on the door knob, turned it and opened the door. As she was about to step outside she heard a small 'wait' coming from behind her. She turned around only to see a fidgeting Mikan and couldn't help herself but to raise an eyebrow as if to question what she wanted.

"Hm..." Trying to relieve some of her uneasiness, the brunette lifted one of her hands and started to bite her nails. "H-He won't be there, r-right?" Hotaru only lifted her eyebrow higher, as Mikan struggled to say whatever she wanted to say. "I mean, I-I won't see h-him, _right_?"

"Baka. You don't need to worry, Tokyo is a big city. The chances of you running into each other are minimal" Hotaru paused to analyze the girl before continuing, as if she was unsure as to how to say what se was about to say. "Besides, nobody has seen him since you left after graduation. So, don't worry."

Mikan was a bit taken aback by what she just heard, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling relieved. She nodded softly and said "I'll see you tomorrow then" and with that, Hotaru left.

ººº

 _Can I get a piece of of something good_  
 _I'd Like just a little lie_  
 _Just a little lie_

Cross My Heart - Marianas Trench

ººº

 _END OF PROLOGUE_


	2. Chapter 1 - So It Goes

**WHAT** ' **S LOST IS NEVER GONE  
** By Ruggi

ººº

 _CHAPTER 1  
_ So It Goes

ººº

 _In every heart, there is a room  
A sanctuary is safe and strong  
To heal the wounds from lovers past  
Until a new one comes along_

ººº

"You just need to sign here." Mikan nodded at the instructions that were being given to her. She took the pen the smiling blond man offered to her and signed her name where he had previously indicated.

"There you go, thank you Narumi." she smiled as she passed the pen as well as the contract she had just signed back. The man took them and carefully checked that all the documents needed were there to assure that the registration of the child was properly done. When he finished looking through the papers, he put them in the correct order, tapped them lightly on the table, so they were all aligned, and clipped them all together. "That's settled then!"

"Ms. Sakura, classes start on April 6th... Which is in about two weeks." Narumi said happily to the brunette. Mikan giggled a little at the way the teacher had adressed her.

"Just call me Mikan, I'm not that old anyway." She reached out for her purse that laid o the chair next to hers. "Perfect! I'll see you soon then!" she smiled at the man before lifting herself from where she was seated. She stretched her hand out so she could shake hands with the teacher, but the man just ignored it, walked over and hugged the young mother.

"Yeah, I'll see you guys soon! I'm really looking forward to it! Kouki-kun is just so cute!" Narumi exclaimed while making wild gesture to demonstrate his enthusiasm. Mikan was a bit taken a back by the man's actions and excitement, but at the same time she felt really happy and comforted by it and couldn't help herself but laugh at the eccentric teacher.

"He sure is cute, but he's really shy too." she confessed. "I hope that you can take good care of him. I'll be counting on you!" she bowed as she said those word to him.

"Of course! You don't have to worry Mikan-chan!" he smiled while resting one of his hands on her left shoulder as if to reassure her. The brunette smiled back and gave small nod. "Thank you!"

"Well, we should go get Kouki." He went to the door and held it open for Mikan to go through. He followed suit and they both made their way to the playground where the small one was playing.

As soon as they got there, Mikan began searching for a certain small figure. She then saw her son playing on one of the swings on the far left. She walked a bit closer and called out to the small child, which immediately got his attention.

Kouki stood up and made his way to his mother. He took a quick glance at the man that stood next to her and hugged her leg in a protective way. The older male just smiled at the small one.

"Aren't you a cute one!" the blond exclaimed while trying to reach and pinch the kid's cheeks. Instinctively, Kouki hid himself behind his mothers legs, only sticking his head out to send glares at blond guy.

"Mama, I want to go home." the little child said never letting his eyes off the weird man that stood in front of him. Mikan only nodded at him and turned back to the teacher. "We better get going. It's getting late."

"I'll accompany you both to the entrance!" Narumi started walking before the bunette could say anything, so both mother and son just silently followed the man. Even though it took them a few minutes to get there, Mikan was so mesmerized by the size of the school grounds that she didn't even noticed they had arrived until she bumped into Narumi's back and realized he had come to a stop.

"Oh, sorry!" She could feel the heat on her cheeks. Shh, what an airhead she could be sometimes! "I guess that's or cue then!" She lowered herself so she was on an equivalent height as her son. "Say bye to Narumi-sensei"

She waited for the child to say it, but he just 'hmmed' and looked away in 'i'm not going to' to way. Mikan sighed and stood up once again.

"He'll warm up to you soon..." She gave an apologetic smile, but the man just waved it off. "We should really get going though. Thank you very much Narumi-sensei!" She bowed to emphasize her thanks

"Don't worry Mikan-chan!" He opened the front door. "Well, I'll see you both on April then."

"Sure!" She made her way out while holding Kouki's hand. "See you!"

"Bye Mikan-chan! Bye Kouki-kun!" Narumi waved frantically his arms while he said his goodbyes to the duo. "Welcome to Alice Academy, by the way!" The brunette just giggled and waved back, before continuing to make her way to her apartment.

ººº

After a 30 minute walk from the school, Mikan finally arrived at home. She unlocked the door to her small and simple apartment and entered the place. As soon as the brunette closed and locked the door behind her, Kouki quickly took his shoes off and rushed inside while screaming "I'm home!".

Mikan untied her sneakers and soon followed her son inside. She made her way to her room so she could put away her bag but, before doing that, she took out the copy of the contract she had signed earlier that day and put it inside one of the folders that lay on the desk near her bed. While doing all that, she was so distracted that she didn't notice the tall figure that had entered her room so she jumped in surprise when she felt a pair of arms encircling her body from behind.

"I didn't hear you say 'i'm home' today..." Mikan could feel the man burying his face on her neck and couldn't help herself but giggle. She wiggled herself out of his tight embrace and turned around so she could face him.

"I'm home, you silly" She said in between giggles. She planted a small peck on his lips. "So... What do we have for dinner today?" she asked the darked haired man but even before he had the chance to reply, she added:

"I really do hope you've made me some sweet potato. I'm craving for them!"

"Craving? Miss Sakura, don't tell me you're pregnant again!" he joked. She rolled her eyes at him and gave him the 'so, did you?' look. "Sorry, I didn't... But! I've made some ridiculously good pasta."

"Hmm... I think I'll be the judge of that!" She broke from their embrace and ran off to the kitchen. He smirked and soon followed her. When he got there, he could already see her taking a spoonful of pasta out of the pan and eating it. He took her time savoring it before gulping it all down.

"I guess that was okay..." she said with her poker face on. He scooted closer to the brunette and started tickling her. She started laughing uncontrollably and tried to push him away. "Tsubasa! Stop!" she managed to say in between laughs.

"Okay? Okay ?! More like awesome, I'd say!" he laughed along with her.

"Okay! It tastes awesome! You win! Now stop that!" her stomach was already hurting for laughing this much. Oh, how she hated being ticklish.

"Now, that's much better..." he said proudly and stopped pestering his girlfriend. "I'll go call Kouki so we can have dinner properly. I've already set up the table so just... Yeah, wait here."

He went off to call the small kid and Mikan smiled at him as he left. When she could no longer see him, she turned around and grabbed the pan filled with pasta and took it to the table where they were eating. She didn't even bother to put the food on a pot and set on the table just like that.

She went back into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. They never really drank anything while they ate, but if they did, it was always water or sometimes natural juice. They didn't like any of that artificial and industrialized crap like sodas and boxed juices.

As soon as she set the bottle along with the pan, both Tsubasa and Kouki entered the room. The three of them sat down at the table and served themselves, before digging furiously into the food.

In between bites and chews, Mikan told her boyfriend all about hers and Kouki's day at the Alice Academy. She told him how big the school was, how the owner and teacher was a very eccentric but nice person and how Kouki seemed to be having fun at the playground.

"I mean, he even gave Kouki a full scholarship! Can you believe that, Tsubasa?" Mikan exclaimed. "Well, I'm not even sure I can believe that myself! Not only is my son attending a great school but he'll also be doing it for free! How awesome is that!" she exclaimed proudly and loudly.

Tsubasa knew that the school wasn't all that, but it was still a good school. He also knew how much his girlfriend struggled the past few years and to be able to put her son into a school like Alice Academy meant a lot to her.

"It really is great! Who would have thought this little twit had in him, huh!" He jokingly punched the small one and in return Kouki only glared at him. "I'm just kidding, kiddo! I always knew you were smart as hell. I mean, who learns to read by themselves?" Kouki kept on glaring but you could clearly see the tint of pink on his cheeks. He was never a good one with compliments.

A few minutes later, they had all finished their meal and started cleaning everything up. Even Kouki helped by doing small things, like throwing away the used napkins, putting the bottle of water back into the fridge and taking the used plates and utensils to the sink. Soon it was all clean and tidy.

"Tsubasa, it's already eight thirty. You are going to be late for work." Mikan warned while point at the clock that hang on the kitchen wall.

"Oh Crap, Anna's going to kill me!" He quickly got his wallet and rushed to the front door. Mikan followed suit. He put on his shoes and said his goodbyes to the brunette. "I'm off!" he screamed before running out the door.

Mikan made sure the door was locked and made her way to the living room, where her son was currently watching an anime on TV. She sat down next to him and started watching as well.

One hour later, she heard the small child yawn. She looked at him and could clearly see how he was struggling to keep himself awake, so she picked up the remote and turned off the TV.

"Come on Kouki, let's go to bed." she said softly.

"But mom..." he whined before yawning once again. "I'm already six!"

"Yeah, and you are also sleepy." she retorted. She stood up and stretched her hand to him. "Come on, you can sleep on mama's bed."

He grumbled a bit but didn't want contradict his mother, so he grabbed her hand and they both went to her room. As soon as they got there, Kouki laid down on her bed and wrapped himself on the covers. Mikan let herself down next to him and waited for him to sleep, which she was sure that wouldn't take too long. As she had predicted, he soon gave into his tiredness.

Seeing her son fast asleep, Mikan decided that she could use the time she had left to study. She sat down at her desk and took out her laptop and notebook and didn't wait even a minute longer to start doing her revisions.

Since she had been spending almost all of her free time searching for schools, she hadn't been able to properly review a few subjects and they were starting to pile up and she knew very well that she would be having her finals soon so, of course, she couldn't waist even a single minute.

Getting an online college degree had seemed easier to Mikan when she first applied to it, but as the time went by, she realized how tough it actually was going to be. Not only had she work and Kouki to take care of, but she also had to clean the house, go shopping for groceries and everything and anything that came along the way.

When she stops and thinks about the whole situation, she can't help but fell very lucky that she met Tsubasa a few years ago. They both worked at _Anna's_ : a place that functioned as a cafe during the day and a bar during the night. Mikan had been working at the cafe for a little over one month when she was invited to go drinking with a few of her working partners at the bar after their shift had ended. Ans just like that, there he was, working as a bartender, serving her a drink and smiling away.

They didn't star dating right away. It took them a while actually, but as soon as they did, they've been pretty much glued to each other for the past 3 years. He's been such a great help for Mikan that she can't even start to imagine how she would have handle it by herself. Tsubasa has been there for her for everything she needed him to be.

Of course, all of Tsubasa's help didn't mean that Mikan could slack off. Quite on the contrary, any chance, any free time she had in between her obligations, she used it solely for studying, as she was doing right now. She had to. It was her future we were talking about after all. She couldn't take any chances.

She was so concentrated that the time went by and she didn't even notice. She was surprised when she looked at her phone and saw what time it actually was. "Crap! It's midnight already!" She had work the next morning and she knew very well that she shouldn't stay up until late at night or else she would have trouble waking up tomorrow. Because of that she quickly finished what she was doing and shut off her laptop.

She stretched herself a little and got up, and as she did almost every night, she walked over her bed, took her son in her arms and carried him to his own bed. After laying him down, she gave a small kiss on his forehead before making her way to the kitchen.

She grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured herself some water. She took her time drinking it, taking small sips, but she could feel her eyelids getting heavier by the minute.

"I better go to sleep..." she whispered to herself after she finished drinking her water. She went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and washed her face. Then, she headed to her room where she changed into her pajamas and laid in bed and, as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell into a dreamless slumber.

ººº

 _And so it goes and so it goes  
And you're the only one who knows_

So It Goes - Marianas Trench

ººº

 _END OF CHAPTER 1_


End file.
